January 1, 2010

The Hypocrisy of Leadership and Other Fantasies

RANDOM WIKIPEDIA TOPIC(S): South Australian state election, 1899 + The Phoenix on the Sword

I don't know much about Conan other than he was the barbarian who catapulted Arnold Schwartzenegger to fame and eventually the office of California Governor. I also know that many Conan paperbacks were illustrated by Frank Frazetta, an artist known for his depiction of voluptuous, less-than-dressed fantasy women surrounded by wild cats in far away moonlit fantasy forests. My mom was (and still is) a huge fantasy/science fiction fan when I was a kid. She was also a feminist. Therefore paperbacks with Frazetta illustrations were usually frowned upon.

Before the internet, and before legitimate legal access to pornographic magazines, fantasy illustrations were the closest a geek boy could get to a naked woman (other than the once-a-year Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition). These could be found in Dungeons & Dragons, in Heavy Metal magazines, in comic books, and of course, fantasy and science fiction book covers.

I grew up in a very small town where the parents of the kids I associated with actually believed that if you played rock music backwards you could hear the devil talking. It sounded like garbled gibberish, but it was unmistakably satanic in origin. These same parents also believed that when you examined Procter and Gamble's old logo under a microscope, you could clearly see three sixes, also known as the 'number of the beast'. This town didn't have a bar or a movie theatre (both were considered amoral), dancing and rock music were evil, so the only thing left were games. The young males broke into two social categories: sports kids who played hockey, and geek kids who played RPGs (Role-Playing Games) and video games. I fell into the later category, due of course to my weak ankles.

At one point during my childhood I was a Dungeon Master. This just meant that I had actually read (most of) the rules for how to play Dungeons & Dragons, and I would narrate the scenarios that my friends would navigate through with multi-sided die and loose-leaf binders filled with character statistics. The game is ridiculously complicated, especially for a 12 year old, but I loved reading the rules. I began to collect other RPGs like M.E.R.P.S., Palladium, Heroes Unlimited, GURPS, and more. I would scour second-hand book stores for box sets of Steve Jackson games like Car Wars, or look for the Rifts version of Mechanoids. I read thousands of pages of rules, rarely even playing the games themselves.

One day a mysterious flyer went around the town claiming that kids who played RPGs (specifically Dungeons & Dragons) were more prone to homosexuality, suicide, and/or devil worship. Since I was the leader, the Dungeon Master, of my small group of friends, the mantle fell upon me to talk to all the parents. I had to convince them that I was in control of the game, that the game wasn't in control of me. I had to convince them that we weren't feeling 'gay' or suicidal. During one session a mother asked to look at one of the rule books. The page fell open to a seductive, naked, female Succubus, on all fours. She had long black hair, bat wings, and horns. "Don't worry," I told her. "We aren't anywhere near ready to tackle one of those. We're only Level Fives." Needless to say those were awkward times.

In The Phoenix on the Sword (now in the public domain), Conan has to fight demons of his own. There is a literal ape-like demon which he kills with his phoenix-marked sword (hence the title), but the far more insidious demon is that of fickle public opinion. In a previous story, as penned by Robert E. Howard, Conan saves the people of Aquilonia from the tyrannical King Numedides by strangling him on his thrown. Conan becomes the new savior king, which should be a 'happily-ever-after' moment, if it weren't for the fact that he is much better with his sword than with politics. The people of Aquilonia begin to resent the fact that he is foreign-born and not of royal decent and eventually turn against him and try to stage a coupe.

So why do some people aspire to leadership positions when they are outsiders? Are most leaders outsiders? Does leadership involve giving up what you are good at, or do you spend time doing things you're not good at to become a leader? Why is leadership such a contradiction of love and hate? I'll never forget being told that Creative Directors are usually mediocre art directors (or copywriters). A great Art Director wants to direct art, not manage a bunch of people. I always thought I was a mediocre Art Director because I could imagine someone else doing my job better. Conan may have dreamt of becoming king one day, but once in power he came to regret it. I wonder if the same is true for Arnold Schwartzenegger*, now that he rules a disgruntled, bankrupt state under the Obama administration.

I wonder if the same was true for Charles Kingston. He was an outsider. He was a womanizing, bastard-making politician (who possibly fathered 6 'illegitimate' children) who also happened to win election after election in Southern Australia at the turn of the 19th century. He ruled as Premier for over six years, as the leader of the Liberal party (with the help of a United Labor Party coalition). The South Australia state elections of 1899 were his last, where he somehow managed to stay in power even though the Conservatives won 3 more seats. He was the first Premier to see the political benefits of giving woman the vote in his province (which might explain his lengthy rule), he sat on the committee that drafted Australia's constitution, and eventually served as Minister of Trade and Customs in the first federal Australian government.

Despite all of these achievements, Kingston was considered a bully, unable to negotiate, unable to compromise (before office he once challenged a foe to an old-fashioned gun duel). He resigned from cabinet in 1903 after an argument (that he didn't win) with the Prime Minister. He died five years later of a massive stroke. But that wasn't the end of it. One hundred years after his death, his body was exhumed in an effort to prove that an anonymous business man belonged on a 'revised' Kingston 'extended' family tree. This guy wanted a paternity test.

When I think of Kingston, I'm reminded of those pulpy painted paperback covers. The contradiction of a philandering politician granting woman the right to vote is oddly similar to a feminist reading fantasy novels whose covers depict barely-dressed, objectified women. Whether you're a barbarian king, a cheating politician, or a sci-fi mom, you can't help being inconsistent— you can't help being something different than how you wish to be perceived, or wanting something different than what you have. I used to say, "If someone calls you a hypocrite, thank them for the compliment," because contradiction is what makes us human beings.

*As an aside, Arnold may still become President of the United States some day. I know he is Austrian born, but he has also cultured tissue in the US to organically replace a heart valve. My theory is that eventually enough of this 'American' tissue will be used on his aging body to legally argue that his is 'mostly' born in the USA. Than he'll be eligible to run for the highest office.

Next random topics: 1987 PGA Championship + E. Power Biggs

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The Hypocrisy of Leadership and Other Fantasies